When a parent starts needing help, one sibling often ends up doing most of the work. It’s one of the most common—and painful—patterns in family caregiving. The sibling who lives closest, the one who doesn’t have young children, the daughter instead of the son, or simply the one who “stepped up first” gradually takes on more and more responsibility while others drift to the sidelines.
This imbalance can fracture family relationships, lead to devastating caregiver burnout, and ultimately compromise the quality of care your parent receives. But it doesn’t have to be this way.
With thoughtful planning, clear communication, and creative problem-solving, every family member can contribute meaningfully to a parent’s care—regardless of where they live, their schedule, or the skills they bring. This guide will show you how.
The Reality of Family Caregiving in America: 2025 Statistics
Before diving into solutions, it’s important to understand the scope of the caregiving challenge families face today.
The Growing Caregiver Population
According to the landmark Caregiving in the U.S. 2025 report by AARP and the National Alliance for Caregiving:
- 63 million Americans—nearly 1 in 4 adults—are now family caregivers, a 45% increase since 2015
- The number of family caregivers supporting older adults grew from 18.2 million to 24.1 million between 2011 and 2022—a 32% increase
- 24% of the U.S. adult population now provides care to a family member or friend
- The median age of caregivers is 50.6 years old
The Intensity of Caregiving
Family caregiving has become more intensive and medically complex:
- The average family caregiver spends 27 hours per week on caregiving tasks
- 25% of caregivers devote more than 40 hours per week—equivalent to a full-time job
- 55% of caregivers now handle medical or nursing tasks, including wound care, injections, and medication management
- 24% of caregivers are caring for two or more people simultaneously (up from 18% in 2015)
- 80% of family caregivers provide long-term care for chronic conditions
The Unequal Distribution of Care
Research consistently shows that caregiving responsibilities are rarely shared equally:
- More than 40% of family caregivers are the sole caregiver for their loved one
- In families with multiple siblings, one adult child almost always takes on the majority of caregiving duties
- 75% of caregivers are women, who spend 50% more time on caregiving than men
- Adult children account for 49% of family caregivers for older adults with dementia
- The adult child who lives closest or has the closest emotional relationship typically becomes the primary caregiver
The Toll on Caregivers
The impact of unbalanced caregiving responsibilities is significant:
- Only 23% of caregivers report having “good” mental health
- 40% to 70% of family caregivers experience clinical symptoms of depression
- 41% of caregivers report low overall well-being—32% higher than non-caregivers
- 71% of caregivers are financially struggling; of those, 63% live paycheck to paycheck
- Caregivers spend an average of $7,200 per year out of pocket on caregiving expenses
- 90% of family caregivers contribute some form of financial support to their loved one’s care
- Caregivers can face up to 90% reduction in retirement savings compared to non-caregivers
- 55% of caregivers have been providing care for at least three years
The Economic Value of Family Caregiving
The contribution of family caregivers to our society is staggering:
- Family caregivers provide an estimated $600 billion in unpaid care annually
- This is nearly twice what is spent on home care and nursing homes combined
- Family caregivers of people with Alzheimer’s and dementia provide billions of hours of unpaid care each year
Why Sibling Conflict Over Caregiving Is So Common
Understanding why caregiving disputes arise can help families prevent or resolve them.
Unequal Workloads Create Resentment
The most common trigger for sibling conflict is the uneven distribution of responsibility. Research shows that even in large families with multiple siblings, one adult child typically assumes the majority of caregiving responsibilities. This happens for several reasons:
Geographic proximity: The sibling who lives closest often becomes the default caregiver because they are available. Siblings who live farther away may not realize how much daily care involves.
Gradual assumption of responsibility: Many primary caregivers don’t consciously choose the role. They start by handling small tasks, then gradually take on more responsibilities until they’re managing the entire process. By the time they realize the pattern, it’s difficult to change.
Different definitions of “helping”: One sibling may consider twice-weekly calls adequate support, while another may provide hands-on care daily. Without clear expectations, these different perspectives fuel resentment.
Gender expectations: Women are more likely to be expected to provide care, even when brothers are equally capable.
Old Family Dynamics Resurface
Caring for aging parents can reactivate childhood patterns and rivalries. Siblings may find themselves falling back into old roles—the responsible one, the favorite, the rebel—that no longer fit who they are as adults. Past hurts and unresolved conflicts can make collaboration difficult.
Different Perspectives on Care Needs
Siblings may genuinely disagree about:
- Whether a parent needs help (especially if they see the parent infrequently)
- What type of care is appropriate
- Whether it’s time for assisted living or nursing home care
- How to balance safety concerns with the parents’ independence and wishes
- Financial decisions related to care
Communication Breakdown
When families don’t communicate regularly and openly about caregiving, problems multiply:
- The primary caregiver feels unsupported and resentful
- Other siblings feel excluded from decisions
- Misunderstandings about care needs and contributions fester
- Small problems become major conflicts
How Distance Caregivers Can Make a Real Difference
Living far from aging parents doesn’t mean you can’t contribute meaningfully. An estimated 5 to 7 million Americans—about 15% of all caregivers—are long-distance caregivers who live at least an hour away from their loved ones. The average distance is 450 miles (approximately 7 hours of travel time).
Long-distance caregivers actually have the highest annual caregiving expenses (about $8,728 on average) because they’re more likely to need to hire help, take uncompensated time off work, and pay for travel. They’re also more likely to report emotional distress than caregivers who live nearby.
But distance doesn’t have to mean disengagement. Here’s how remote family members can contribute:
1. Take Charge of Care Coordination and Research
One of the most valuable contributions a long-distance family member can make is to organize the care logistics. This removes a significant mental burden from the primary caregiver.
What you can do:
- Research and compare home care agencies in your parents’ area
- Find and evaluate local senior services (Meals on Wheels, transportation programs, adult day centers)
- Compare prices and reviews for medical equipment and supplies
- Research doctors, specialists, and healthcare facilities
- Investigate long-term care insurance benefits and file claims
- Organize medical records and create a health summary
- Set up and manage prescription delivery services
- Research and schedule home modifications (grab bars, ramps, better lighting)
Technology makes this easier: The internet allows you to research services, read reviews, compare prices, and even schedule appointments from anywhere in the world. You can arrange for meal delivery, housecleaning, lawn care, and grocery delivery without ever setting foot in your parents’ home.
2. Handle Administrative and Financial Tasks
Many caregiving responsibilities can be managed entirely from a distance:
Financial management:
- Pay bills online
- Monitor bank accounts for unusual activity
- Prepare tax documents
- File insurance claims
- Track medical expenses for tax deductions
- Manage Medicare and supplemental insurance paperwork
- Apply for benefits (VA benefits, Medicaid, prescription assistance programs)
Administrative coordination:
- Schedule and confirm medical appointments
- Coordinate with healthcare providers
- Maintain a calendar of appointments, medications, and important dates
- Order and track medication refills
- Research and compare care options
- Communicate with insurance companies
3. Be the Communication Hub
Someone needs to keep everyone in the loop. As a distance caregiver, you can:
- Set up a family communication system (group text, shared app, email list)
- Send regular updates to all family members after doctor appointments or health changes
- Organize family meetings (in-person or video calls) to discuss care decisions
- Document important health information and share it with the family
- Maintain a contact list of all healthcare providers, neighbors, and emergency contacts
4. Maintain Regular Contact with Your Parents
Never underestimate the power of simply staying connected. Regular phone or video calls:
- Combat loneliness and social isolation (major health risks for seniors)
- Allow you to monitor cognitive changes and mood
- Provide emotional support
- Give your parents something to look forward to
- Take some of the social/emotional burden off the primary caregiver
Create a contact schedule: Work with your siblings to ensure your parents hear from a family member regularly throughout the week. Even brief daily check-ins can significantly improve their quality of life and help catch problems early.
5. Provide Financial Support
If you can’t be there in person, contributing financially is a meaningful way to help:
- Pay for professional caregivers to give your sibling a break
- Cover the cost of a housekeeper, lawn service, or handyman
- Pay for transportation services
- Contribute to medical expenses not covered by insurance
- Purchase and ship supplies, groceries, or medications
- Pay for home safety modifications
- Fund respite care so the primary caregiver can take time off
Support the primary caregiver too: Consider covering their gas costs for visits, sending gift cards for meals, or paying for their respite care. Acknowledging and compensating their extra effort helps prevent resentment.
6. Use Technology to Stay Connected
55% of unpaid caregivers age 50+ now use one or more digital tools to coordinate care. Technology can bridge the distance gap:
Video calling: FaceTime, Zoom, Skype, or WhatsApp lets you see your parents and assess how they’re doing.
Smart home devices: Voice-activated assistants (Amazon Echo, Google Home) can provide companionship, reminders, and emergency calling capability.
Medical alert systems: Personal emergency response systems provide peace of mind, knowing help is available when needed.
Medication management apps: Apps like Medisafe send reminders and let you track whether medications were taken.
Care coordination apps: Apps like Caring Village, Carely, CareZone, and Lotsa Helping Hands help families coordinate schedules, share updates, track tasks, and communicate in one place.
Remote monitoring: With your parents’ consent, cameras, motion sensors, and GPS devices can provide peace of mind about their safety and daily routines.
10 Strategies for Sharing Caregiving Responsibilities Fairly
1. Hold a Family Meeting Early
Don’t wait for a crisis. As soon as it becomes clear that your parents may need ongoing help, gather the family (in person or by video) to discuss:
- Your parents’ current needs and likely future needs
- Your parents’ preferences and wishes for care
- Each family member’s availability, skills, and limitations
- How responsibilities will be divided
- How decisions will be made
- How you’ll communicate going forward
Include your parents in these discussions whenever possible. Their input is essential, and involving them respects their autonomy.
2. Assess Each Person’s Strengths and Capacity
Not everyone can contribute in the same way, and that’s okay. The goal isn’t identical contributions—it’s fair contributions based on each person’s circumstances.
Consider:
- Geographic proximity (who can provide hands-on help?)
- Work schedules and flexibility
- Financial resources
- Relevant skills (medical background, financial expertise, home repair)
- Family obligations (young children, other caregiving responsibilities)
- Physical and emotional capacity
- Relationship with the parent
Match tasks to strengths: The sibling with medical knowledge might coordinate healthcare; the one with financial expertise might handle money management; the one with flexible work might take parents to appointments; the one who’s far away might handle research and administrative tasks.
3. Create a Written Care Plan
Document who is responsible for what. A clear, written plan:
- Prevents misunderstandings
- Ensures nothing falls through the cracks
- Creates accountability
- Can be adjusted as needs change
Include:
- Specific tasks assigned to each person
- Frequency of contact and visits
- Decision-making authority
- Financial contributions
- How information will be shared
- How disagreements will be resolved
- Plan for respite and emergencies
4. Communicate Regularly and Openly
Poor communication is at the heart of most caregiving conflicts. Establish systems for staying in touch:
Regular check-ins: Schedule weekly or bi-weekly family calls to share updates, discuss concerns, and make decisions together.
Shared documentation: Use a shared online document, calendar, or caregiving app to track appointments, medications, care notes, and tasks.
Honest conversations: If you’re feeling overwhelmed, resentful, or burnt out, say so before it becomes a crisis. If you can do more, offer.
No triangulation: Talk directly to siblings about concerns rather than venting to your parents or other family members.
5. Acknowledge and Appreciate the Primary Caregiver
If one sibling is doing more of the hands-on work, recognize their contribution:
- Express genuine appreciation regularly
- Ask what they need rather than assuming
- Offer specific help rather than vague “let me know if you need anything.”
- Provide respite so they can take breaks
- Compensate them fairly if there’s a significant imbalance in time and financial contributions
6. Plan for Respite Care
Respite care—temporary relief for the primary caregiver—is essential to preventing burnout, yet 85% of caregivers don’t use formal respite services, even though research shows it reduces caregiver distress and improves health and well-being.
More than a third of family caregivers report wanting support, such as respite services, yet only 14% receive it.
Types of respite:
- Informal: Other family members take over care temporarily
- In-home: Professional caregivers come to the home for hours, days, or weeks
- Adult day programs: Supervised daytime care outside the home
- Residential: Short-term stays at assisted living or nursing facilities
Build respite into your care plan: Schedule regular breaks for the primary caregiver, not just when they’re at their limit. Even a few hours of weekly respite can significantly improve caregivers’ health and well-being.
7. Be Flexible and Reassess Regularly
Care needs change over time—often suddenly. What works today may not work in six months.
Schedule regular family discussions (quarterly at minimum) to:
- Assess whether the current arrangement is working
- Adjust responsibilities as circumstances change
- Address any emerging conflicts or concerns
- Plan for anticipated changes (declining health, end-of-life planning)
8. Consider Professional Help
Sometimes families need outside support:
Home care agencies: Professional caregivers can provide regular assistance with personal care, companionship, and household tasks, relieving pressure on family members.
Geriatric care managers: These professionals (often nurses or social workers) can assess needs, coordinate care, mediate family disagreements, and navigate complex healthcare systems.
Family mediators: When conflicts seem unresolvable, a neutral third party can help families find common ground.
Therapists or counselors: Individual or family therapy can address underlying relationship issues that interfere with caregiving collaboration.
9. Have Your Parents Visit You
If your parents are still able to travel, invite them to stay at your home:
- Gives the primary caregiver a complete break
- Allows you to provide hands-on care and understand what it involves
- Provides quality time with your parents
- Let your children build relationships with grandparents
- Shows your parents they’re valued by the whole family
Even a week or two can make a meaningful difference for everyone involved.
10. Know When to Bring in Professional Care
Sometimes the best thing a family can do is recognize that professional help is needed. This isn’t failure—it’s wisdom.
Signs it may be time:
- The primary caregiver is showing signs of burnout
- Care needs exceed what the family can safely provide
- Family conflict is compromising care quality
- The parents’ condition requires specialized medical skills
- The current arrangement isn’t sustainable long-term
Professional home care can complement family caregiving, filling gaps and ensuring your parent receives consistent, high-quality care while allowing family members to focus on relationships rather than tasks.
Leveraging Technology to Coordinate Care
Technology has become an essential tool for families managing caregiving responsibilities across distances.
Care Coordination Apps
Modern caregiving apps create a central hub for families to communicate and coordinate:
Caring Village: Creates a private digital “village” where family members can share updates, assign tasks, store important documents, track medications, and maintain a shared calendar.
Carely: Enables tag-team caregiving through a shared calendar, activity tracking, and communication tools. Great for coordinating among multiple caregivers.
Lotsa Helping Hands: Focuses on building a community of support, allowing caregivers to schedule tasks, share messages, and coordinate help from friends, family, and care teams.
CareZone: Specializes in medication management, providing tools to track medications, store health information, and coordinate care.
Ianacare: Helps coordinate help from friends, family, and professional caregivers while providing access to caregiver resources and community support.
Communication Tools
- Group messaging apps (WhatsApp, GroupMe) for quick family updates
- Video calling (FaceTime, Zoom) for face-to-face family meetings
- Shared calendars (Google Calendar, Cozi) for coordinating schedules and appointments
- Shared documents (Google Docs) for maintaining care plans and medical information
Health Monitoring Technology
- Medical alert systems for emergency response
- Medication reminder apps to ensure medications are taken correctly
- Smart home devices for voice-activated assistance and reminders
- Remote monitoring systems (with consent) for peace of mind
According to AARP’s 2025 survey, 50% of adults 50+ use at least one smart home technology, and 55% of unpaid caregivers use digital tools to coordinate care.
When Siblings Won’t Help: What to Do
Despite your best efforts, some siblings may refuse to participate in caregiving. This is painful, but it’s important to focus on what you can control.
Understand Why They May Not Help
- Past trauma or a difficult relationship with a parent
- Denial about the parent’s condition
- Their own health, financial, or family challenges
- Geographic distance combined with feeling powerless
- Fear of confronting mortality and decline
- Never having been asked specifically
Take These Steps
- Have a direct conversation. Sometimes siblings don’t help because they genuinely don’t understand what’s needed. Be specific about what you need rather than making general requests.
- Focus on what they can do. Even if they can’t provide hands-on care, there may be other ways they can contribute (financially, administratively, emotionally).
- Set boundaries. If siblings won’t help, they may need to accept that they’ll have less input on care decisions.
- Let go of expectations. You can’t force someone to help. Continuing to fight about it only adds to your stress.
- Seek support elsewhere. Build a care team that includes professional caregivers, community resources, and supportive friends.
- Take care of yourself. Your health and well-being matter. Don’t sacrifice yourself because others won’t contribute.
How All Heart Home Care Can Help Your Family
When families need additional support—whether to fill gaps, provide respite, or ensure professional care—All Heart Home Care is here to help.
Services That Support the Whole Family
Our experienced caregivers can take on the tasks that strain family relationships:
Personal care assistance:
- Bathing, grooming, and hygiene help
- Dressing and mobility assistance
- Medication reminders
- Toileting and continence care
Daily living support:
- Meal planning and preparation
- Light housekeeping and laundry
- Grocery shopping and errands
- Transportation to appointments and social activities
Companionship and engagement:
- Meaningful conversation and emotional support
- Accompany to social activities and appointments
- Hobbies, games, and mental stimulation
- Supervision for safety
Specialized care:
- Dementia and Alzheimer’s care
- Post-hospital recovery support
- Chronic condition management
- End-of-life comfort care
Respite Care for Family Caregivers
Our respite care services give family caregivers the break they need and deserve:
- A few hours for errands, appointments, or self-care
- A day or weekend for rest and rejuvenation
- A week or more for vacation or extended recovery
You can take time for yourself knowing your loved one is in capable, compassionate hands.
Peace of Mind for the Whole Family
When family members live far away, knowing a trusted professional is checking in regularly provides invaluable peace of mind. Our caregivers can:
- Provide regular updates to family members
- Alert families to health changes or concerns
- Coordinate with healthcare providers
- Ensure medications are taken correctly
- Maintain a safe, clean home environment
Flexible Scheduling
We understand that every family’s needs are different. Whether you need:
- A few hours of help weekly
- Daily visits to supplement family care
- 24-hour care for more intensive needs
- Temporary respite coverage
We’ll create a care plan that fits your family’s unique situation.
Getting Started: A Family Action Plan
Ready to create a more balanced approach to caregiving in your family? Here’s how to begin:
Step 1: Gather Information
Before your family meeting, collect important information:
- Your parents’ current health conditions and medications
- Their daily routine and care needs
- Their preferences and wishes for care
- Available financial resources
- What services are already in place
Step 2: Schedule a Family Meeting
Bring everyone together—in person if possible, or by video call:
- Set an agenda focused on solutions, not blame
- Give everyone a chance to speak
- Focus on your parents’ needs and wishes
- Discuss each person’s capacity to contribute
- Work toward a written care plan
Step 3: Assign Responsibilities
Based on each person’s strengths, capacity, and proximity:
- Designate a primary caregiver and care coordinator
- Assign specific tasks to each family member
- Agree on financial contributions
- Establish communication protocols
- Schedule regular check-ins and respite coverage
Step 4: Explore Professional Support
Contact All Heart Home Care for a free consultation:
- We’ll assess your parents’ care needs
- Discuss how our services can complement family caregiving
- Create a customized care plan
- Provide peace of mind for the whole family
Contact All Heart Home Care
Caring for aging parents shouldn’t tear families apart. With the right approach, it can bring families closer together while ensuring your loved ones receive the care they need and deserve.
Call All Heart Home Care today at (619) 736-4677 for a free in-home consultation. We’ll discuss your family’s situation and explore how professional home care can support everyone involved—from your parents to the siblings providing care.
Because when everyone contributes, everyone benefits—especially the people you love most.
All Heart Home Care is a veteran-owned, nurse-led home care agency proudly serving San Diego County for over 11 years. Our licensed, bonded, and insured caregivers provide compassionate, professional care that helps families share the caregiving journey together.
Resources for Family Caregivers
✓ AARP Caregiving Resource Center: aarp.org/caregiving
✓ Family Caregiver Alliance: caregiver.org
✓ National Alliance for Caregiving: caregiving.org
✓ Caregiver Action Network: caregiveraction.org
✓ ARCH National Respite Network: archrespite.org
✓ Eldercare Locator: eldercare.acl.gov or 1-800-677-1116
✓ Administration for Community Living: acl.gov
